There are some things in this life we cannot live without. It may vary from person to person, whereas I, cannot live without attention, soft lingering kisses, and companionship. And when these things escape me, I am uncomfortable. Like a fish out of water, I am struggling, coping with a new environment. The change is not good. It is painful, not only emotionally. There is a piercing feeling through my body telling me to stop and look for the missing piece that I need. The three things I cannot live without all have one thing in common -- the existence of another person. I cannot get attention if no one is giving it, I cannot share soft lingering kisses if there is no one on the other side to receive it, and I certainly cannot share the company of anyone where there is no one there. It's safe to say that I'm a people person. I have a tendency to rely on one person heavily. We all know that it's not good to, but I still do it no matter what anyone says because I need it. I need to know that at the end of the day, there will be someone who will remain faithful to me and that I can always call my own. I pin a lot of expectations on this someone, I won't say what, in the fear that you may judge me to be a tad bit unreasonable -- and judgement is something I want to shy away from at this very moment. But I do also have a reasonable request from this someone, and that is never to take advantage of me. I'm a simple girl with simple wants, and people who TRULY know me, will agree.
On to the real reason why I'm venting right now.. I'm going through a break up. I've never been the type to handle situations like this very well. I don't like detachment. As much as possible, I'd like to figure things out and fix them. But then I too, am all broken inside, and have no more energy at this point. Now, you ask me.. So what do you want then? Ikaw na mismo nagsabing pagod ka na. Let us not forget, that it takes two to tango. Therefore, I only play one part in this relationship. How about the other half? How about that other half fix me up for a change? It's tiring to be looked at as the culprit in this relationship. People always judge my quirky attitude for being a destructive girlfriend as well -- and who I am on court is different from who I am off.
Now, I'm a bit confused as where I want this blog to go. So maybe, I should cut it here and go straight to the point. This is what I'd like to say to you..
"All I wanted was a damn apology, a sincere one at that. 'Sorry, now you know how I feel.' is not necessarily what I want to hear when you hurt my feelings. And since when has retribution been the theme of our relationship -- or any relationship for that matter? If you lose me today, or any other day, don't blame me for giving up. Blame yourself for not stepping up."
No comments:
Post a Comment